What you think of yourself is more important than what other people think of you. Before moving on, let’s first define self-confidence. What is self-confidence, really? Do you ever wonder what it is about some people that makes them so completely comfortable in their skin and radiating such positive, captivating energy? I used to wonder this too. And then I learned that confidence really comes down to one very simple thing – accepting who you are. This means that you are totally and completely at peace with who you really are in every moment, interaction and experience. You make no apologies for being awkward, nervous, weird, excited, smart, loud, soft spoken or otherwise. You are just you and you totally own it. You are genuinely content with yourself and your experiences. Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong and weird.
What is Self-confidence?
To be self-confident is to have confidence in yourself. Self-confident people don’t doubt themselves. Self-confidence in its purest form is knowing yourself, your abilities, the value you provide, and acting in a way that conveys this to other people. It is your sense of worthiness. We differentiate this with arrogance which typically involves believing you are better than you are or superior to others and a low self-esteem which involves believing you are less valuable than you think. Therefore, the closer your self-assessment is to that reality in the middle the closer you are to displaying healthy confidence.
No one outside yourself can give you self-confidence. It has to come from deep within you. Self-confidence does not come from compliments. Being talked very highly by your friends or social circle does not give self-confidence. Being known as a slay queen or slay king doesn’t give one self-confidence. It does not matter how much praise other people pile on you. They can give you all the compliments in the world – like, you’ve got the perfect body, perfect spouse, you’re the most beautiful, got the best boyfriend/girlfriend, great children, a great job, best house/car in the neighborhood, best job etc. All these praises from people cannot make up self-confidence if you hate what you see in the mirror, feel unworthy, incapable or crappy about yourself. Self-confidence is your reputation with yourself and it cannot be generated externally. It does not come from what other people say about you but from what you say about yourself. This is a personal responsibility. Self-confidence does not compare with others. You may have a temporary boast when people sing your praises but that’s not real self-confidence. Crowd esteem is NOT self-esteem. The best source of self-confidence is believing in yourself and your abilities, taking action towards your goals, doing the right thing, pushing yourself, pushing your own limits, checking things off your to-do-list, being the best version of yourself, etc. You are your only source of self-confidence, work on yourself. Don’t get high on compliments.
One of the best things you can ever do for yourself is to believe in your own self, believe in your own abilities. Let go of negative self-talk (head trash) things you’ve let build up in your head that’s keeping you from reaching your full potential. Confidence is a skill not a personality trait belonging only to certain people. Confidence begins with action. The more you develop yourself, skills and stretch yourself, the more confident you become.
Confidence isn’t about throwing your weight around or talking over people or always being the first to jump in. Self-confidence is not bossy or annoying. Bossy comes from a place of insecurities and arrogance.
A quick look at self-confidence, arrogance and low self-esteem
These are entirely three different things. It takes a minute to understand the differences. Confidence isn’t about feeling superior to other people. It is a quiet inner knowledge that you are capable. Merriam Webster dictionary defines arrogance as “an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions”. Low self-esteem on the other hand is when you don’t like yourself. A person with a low self-esteem feels unworthy, incapable, and incompetent. People with high self-esteem focus on growth and improvement, whereas people with low self-esteem focus on not making mistakes in life, they hinder their own progress.
Why self- confidence is so important
Self-confidence helps you feel ready for life’s experiences. When you hit rock bottom and everyone deserts you, self-confidence is what gets you back up. When there’s no one to cheer you or sing your praises, self-confidence is what keeps you moving. When you’re confident, you’re more likely to move forward in life with people and opportunities — not back away from struggles. And if things don’t work out at first, confidence helps you try again and again and again. This is the opposite when confidence is low. People who are low on confidence are less likely to try new things or reach out to new people. If they fail at something the first time, they are less likely to try again. Lack of self-confidence holds people back from reaching their full potential. To feel truly confident, you need to really believe you are capable. The best way to get that belief is through using your skills and talents — by learning, beating on your craft and practicing. Confidence helps you move forward to discover and develop our capabilities. When you see what we’re capable of and take pride in your achievements, confidence grows even stronger.
Yeah, I know, I know… this is easier said than done. But today I’m going to share with you 9 simple tips, tricks and adjustments you can make to improve your confident no matter what.
Everyone can work to gain more confidence. Here are a few tips to try:
- 1. Get out of your head. When you stop engaging in the present moment and begin to think about how you look, sound, feel, etc., you’re creating an immediate disconnect. You immediately lose confidence. This loss of confidence creates an energetic wave that is felt by everyone in the same room, interacting with you or listening to you speak. Confident people are 100 percent engaged in the present moment.
- 2. Build a confident mindset. Define your purpose, focus on solutions, play to your strengths and take action. When your inner voice says “I can’t,” retrain it to say “I can.” Or you could also say, “I know I can learn this if I put my mind to it.”
- 3. Own it. Whatever “it” is. Whether it’s your opinions, emotions, feelings, words or choice of food or clothing style, just own it. Don’t give a single thought to what anyone else in the room would think of what you’re doing. You are you, you want what you want and you do what you do. No apologies. No explanation. Just own it! For the longest time I struggled to own my personality, my view of the world, my way of thinking and my feelings. Not only did I lack confidence, I was stressed, uncomfortable and completely miserable trying to “fit in” with the rest of the world.
- 4. Compare yourself to no one. I cannot say this too strongly: Do not compare yourselves to others. Be true to who you are, and continue to learn with all your might. Every flower blooms at a different pace. Owning your story and loving yourself through that process is the bravest thing you’ll ever do. Compare yourself only to your past you.
- 5. Shake off self-doubt. William Shakespeare said “Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” When we doubt our abilities, we feel inferior, unworthy, or unprepared. That can make us avoid people and situations we might enjoy and grow from.
- 6. Boast confidence through breathing exercises. According to a study by the University of Minnesota, adults get in the habit of using their chest muscles. That’s a problem because chest breathing is an evolutionary adaptation to emergency situations. However, because of a bad habit, we learn to rely on chest breathing most of the time. This comes back to haunt us when we in social gatherings or speaking in public because that’s a time where we need more oxygen. Find proper breathing exercises here
- 7. Challenge yourself to do something that’s just beyond your normal comfort zone. Pick something you’d like to do if only you had more confidence. Give yourself a little push and do it. Now that you’ve done that, pick something else to try — and keep repeating this same process. Confidence grows with every step forward. Doing only what you’re comfortable with can ruined you.
- 8. Know your talents and help them shine. Develop yourself, your talents and skills. Don’t be afraid to be amazing. Like already mentioned, the best source of self-confidence is believing in yourself and your abilities, doing the right thing, pushing yourself, pushing your own limits, checking things off your to-do-list, etc.
- 9. Dare to be the real you. Let others see you for who you are — mistakes, insecurities, and all. Insecurities are easier to move past when you don’t feel like you have to hide them. Embrace your quirks instead of trying to hide them or acting in a way that’s not true to you. If you’re feeling sad or moody, just own it. Be sad, be moody. Are you nervous as hell? Own it. Tell everyone that you’re nervous as hell! It stops the process of pretense and anxiety dead in it’s tracks. By honoring who you are and what you truly prefer in life, you’re creating an environment for confidence. You’re allowing yourself to be comfortable. In turn, you attract the right people and right opportunities into your life. It takes courage and confidence to be real. The more real you are, the more self-confident you become. Don’t ever pretend to be someone or something you’re not! Just be you. You are amazing! You are unique! You are enough! You will be so much happier and more confident when you just settle into who you are.
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