A good man is hard to find! These are words you hear from women who have been on a date at one point or another. Well, I am no Dr Phill and I ain’t no expect in relationships by any stretch of imagination but I was inspired to write on this topic to help shed some bit of light on someone’s path to love. The question of finding a good man is of National importance, if not global and someone’s got to be brave enough to talk about it. This is the kind of post you write with knees knocking, head clattering and teeth shattering. However, here is my audacious take on the matter.
Good men have not departed from planet earth. Yes, there are good men out there, but how to identify one is the battle . Finding that combination of a best friend, lover and partner-in-crime is about the hardest thing in the world… but not impossible. For starters, you cannot board a flight to Canada while your destination ticket says Morocco. What I mean is that you must first know what you really want – know by heart where you are really going. Know yourself and your values to the tip. This knowing will guide your decision making of who/what/where to focus your search. Finding a good man should not be a question of random circumstances. You find a good man after you’ve found yourself (this in itself is a topic for another day).
Somehow, our generation is plagued by the art of living fake lives – living to please others. We are too afraid to face ourselves and our own truth. Due to this pandemic, many women in attempting to search for a good man, do so according to friends, family, colleagues or social media standards. They look for a man with status so they can show-off. They want a man that their friends or family members will be completely pleased with. It is all about fitting in, keeping the standard and pleasing others. In so doing, the search is mostly focus on wrong things. Like a well-defined six pack, the size of his wallet, the type of car he drives, the neighborhood he lives in, the type of wine he drinks, the type of phone he carries, whether he goes shopping in Dubai, China, Turkey, etc. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having nice things but it has got nothing to do with being a good man. Good and bad men all have the money, the status, the education, the good looks, the cars, houses, six packs, etc. Material/physical possessions should be off the table when in search of a good man.
My lady, what exactly are you looking for in a good man? Have you really taken time to ask yourself this question? A good man can be anybody, he can be the Director of a conglomerate or just a guy selling airtime or newspapers down the street. He can be the landlord or just a tenant. He can be the guy sitting next to you in the taxi or the owner of Transportation Company. A good man cannot be identified with only the eyes. You’ve got to look deeper. A good man is beyond what meets the eye. So, if the only tools you got in searching for a good man are your eyes, then im sorry to break it to you that it might take forever to find a good man or you may end up in a good neighborhood, driving a good car, shopping in Dubai and watering your pillow every single night with tears.
Okay, lets get down to business. We have clearly identified what NOT to look for in a good man. So, what then are the three most critical things to look for in a good man? When is a Y chromosome not enough to qualify a male as a Man? What quantifiable and objective measures are there to measure Manliness? At what point is one qualified to write “I am a (Good) Man” on his resume? We’ll read the answers to these shortly…
There are different types of ‘males’ out there. The God fearing guy, the tough guy, the sensitive guy, the child-like, the inquisitive, the brilliant guy, the providing man, the christian man and many others. But none of the above is the quintessential good Man we looking for here. He could be any of the ‘male figures’ mentioned but not a good man. So, here are the three most critical things to look for in a good man:
1. A Brain
Yes ladies, you read that right. A brain! Never make the mistake of looking at his wallet or car first before his brain. The first sign of a good man is that he has a brain – a really good head on his shoulders. In other words, he’s sharp, judicious, and intelligent; he can think for himself, his actions are not dictated by his friends, family or his associates. He possesses the cognitive ability to recognize your importance and see your true value. He is smart enough to appreciate you, and intelligent enough to show it. He is a visionary; he knows what he’s doing and where he’s going. He is a leader; he’s able to handle his responsibilities; he’s able to control himself, his anger, and his nature, in other words, he has a brain. Mankind was created with the faculty of thought. With a sense of right and wrong. With the power to go beyond animalistic desires and drives. Only a good man has the strength to follow his moral compass and greater beliefs to travel past the boundaries of self-serving instincts. This is what makes a human. This is what makes a good man – a Good Man with a capital GM. A good man will change you, challenge you and bask you in the warmth of meaningful conversation.
2. A Heart
The second sign of a good man is that he has a heart. A famous quote by Aristotle says “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all” Some men are cold, they’re callous and they are the definition of mean. They are like stones. They don’t feel anything, don’t care about anything, don’t care if you cry, don’t care when you hurt. A heartless man is uninterested in the things that you are interested in; your feelings mean “nothing” to him. He doesn’t have a heart but he has a car and deep pocket! A good man “with a heart” and car or deep pocket is concerned about you, takes an interest in the things that interest you, and prizes you above anyone else. A man with a heart will spend time with you, because he knows that time is a sign of value. What people value they dedicate time to. A man with a heart defers to you, respects your emotions, your feelings, opinions and perspective. A man with a heart is not intimated by your brilliance, intelligence, intuition and sensitivity; he understands you and relies on you. A man with a heart respects his parents, his neighbors and most importantly, a man with a heart respects the women he’s with.
The third sign of a good man is bravery. This isn’t about some physical man-power but rather the courage to face of circumstances, challenges and misunderstandings. He doesn’t bury his head in the sand and wait for the storm to pass, he doesn’t quit or shrink, he doesn’t run-out, and he doesn’t give up or back down when things get rough; he is brave. He has the courage to stay committed in a relationship, the courage to make big decisions, and the courage to back his decisions with action. He is brave enough to change when change is required. He is brave to take risk, brave to pursue his dreams, brave to love the unlovely, and brave to do the right thing even when everyone else is against him. He is brave enough to be vulnerable with you, brave enough to talk about his feelings, brave enough to seek help when required, brave enough to protect you, brave enough to earn a living, brave enough to pursue his passion and brave enough to place a demand on himself to become better man and do better. A good man is not a perfect man. A good may err momentarily yet his inborn sense of right and wrong will always step in when he staggers on the brink.
I suppose you reading this because you want to find a Manly Good Man – A real Man, right?
Okay, great. Then find a man who calls out a bully at work or school. Find the guy who picks up that piece of trash that everyone else has been passed 100 times. Find a guy who takes responsibility for his actions. Find the person who forgives easily. Find a man who is not intimidated by your brilliance. Find a man who’ll add value to your life and future, not just one who’ll add clothes and shoes to your wardrobe. Find a man who is able to hear an opinion opposite his own and still remains calm and collected. Find a guy who abides by an unshakable inner code of conduct… And if this guy comes with a deep pocket, then that’s just the icing on the cake!
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